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Confession: I’m a Bad Parent Too


I don’t think this parent shaming trend is perpetuated by those who don’t have kids. Those people are all like, “Ya, it must be hard.” I think it’s the parents themselves who are all judgey.   I myself have been the victim of the you’re doing it wrong mentality. I guess it’s not really a new trend actually, since I think I did pregnancy wrong too, based on people’s unsolicited advice and comments.

Below List:  Ways I did it wrong, and the way people made sure to tell me (italics). The kid is only 11, so this is a list in progress. That is to say, I’m fully prepared to mess more shit up. He is still breathing, so I feel pretty successful, you know, as a parent.

I only had one kid (That’s easy, that’s not hardly even parenting, you aren’t a real mom until you’ve had two, three or seven, how sad for him, he’ll have no siblings… Yes, he knows how lucky he is).

I didn’t give the kid a dad (Oh my God, two moms, that’s sad. A boy needs a dad. Does he have proper male role models? Who will talk to him about sex? There is not enough testosterone in that house.   His moms taught him about sex, with the help of books with cartoony sex pictures like all kids get. I like to think I did a better job at it than my mom did. I don’t know the correct testosterone level. Is there like a recipe? The kids eats a lot of home cooked meals. I believe in reading.  I’m sure he can read books about boys if he needs more testosterone. Or hang out with his uncles, grandpas and friends who have penises)

I put the kid in daycare and went to work (Don’t you hate having him raised by strangers?   Yes, but I hate living under a bridge more.)

I lost him at the San Diego Zoo once (Were you not watching him? How could that happen?   What can I say, he’s short, all the other people were tall, he saw something shiny while I turned for three seconds and he was gone. But, he got a free stuffed animal, drink and snack from the zoo employees in the Lost Kid Center, and that normally would have cost me about $30, so I’d say it was a win.)

I share custody of the boy. This is the biggest feeling like a bad parent event ever.  This one really does suck. (How can you share custody when you gave birth to him?    I guess to this I’d say, what would you have me do? Somehow deny access to half of the people he’s known all his life? I don’t own him. I get to know him for a while. He is his own person, and he deserves regular access to his whole family, which means parents too.)

He gets a sunburn every summer. (Cancer.   I know.)

He almost drowned in his Nana and Papa’s hot tub while I was inside the house watching TV.  (oh my God, where were you?   Inside, watching TV. It was hot. Hello, it was Vegas in June. He was being watched by his Nana, who fished him out, pounded his back, and never even dropped her smoke. She is cool like that.)

I guess my point is, I have more time to mess stuff up, since he’s only 11. And I’m pretty sure he’ll turn out okay. And some people do suck. But most people are giving it all they have.

What I’m rocking currently with parenting:  Well, he’s  getting a bit sassy and talk backy, and I haven’t strangled him yet. He is a good reader and I take some credit for that, since I’m the biggest geek I know.  I think I’m a good listener.  I have climbed what feels like a million waterpark stairs, read Good Night Moon hundreds of times, and made lots of healthy (and delicious I should add) dinners that he only sort of wants to eat.  So I feel good.

Currently Reading: Lily and Dunkin, The Urban Monk, What is the What, Kid President’s Guide to Being Awesome.

Please read The Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin. Please. It’s so good.

Summer Goal: Lots of writing time.  Create a habit.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Shayne permalink
    06/18/2016 6:10 am

    You are the best mom I have ever known.

  2. Tim permalink
    06/18/2016 10:10 pm

    I lost my daughter at the zoo. In fact, my story is eerily similar to yours–spooky.

    • 06/23/2016 7:35 pm

      Weird…. except you weren’t there so we can’t blame you entirely. Your daughter, now, she knew exactly what to do! Her parents rock!

  3. Heather permalink
    06/28/2016 5:01 pm

    Thank goodness for all of the bad parents of the world! I am grateful for the person that you are and have always been. Keep doing it wrong because he is turning out to be as wonderful as we had always hoped.

  4. 07/02/2016 4:23 pm

    thank you! I agree, he is turning out to be a very interesting and sweet young man.

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