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Tea Enlightenment – Not

04/24/2014

I am probably being too hard on those tea-that-rhymes-with Sazo Tea people. One could even argue that I started it when I sent them an angry email at 5 a.m. to tell them their teabags were shit and they’ve lost me as a customer. Considering I have purchased one box of Sazo tea in my life, it’s probably not a big loss to them, but in the early morning I guess I feel more powerful about my consumer clout. So maybe I started it with my email, but maybe they started it when they made tea bags that break when hot water is poured on them. You can’t have planned obsolescence with teabags was my point to them, less than eloquently put in the cryptic email.

I do have a history of writing complaint letters, just to see what will happen. I feel I am helping the company out by informing them of their transgressions. The Ben and Jerry’s people needed to know that my One Sweet Whirled pint only had one chocolate peace sign in it. So I helped them. And that coupon for a free pint was just a bonus. The satisfaction of helping people, that’s what I’m after. I still haven’t received a thank you letter from John Ascuaga, who NEEDED to know that his pools have way too much chlorine. I guess that ship has sailed, since he sold The Nugget anyway. We are still waiting to hear back from Lady Gaga on the issue of her cool outfits and shoes. Any day now, I’m sure.

But back to Sazo. Here’s what happened: I quit coffee, and chose Sazo as a replacement. So I  get it, that’s a lot of pressure. And perhaps, when I sent this email:

The tea is great tasting, but the bags are driving me nuts. Twice the bag has stuck to the wrapper, ripping and spilling the tea. Twice the string ripped off the bag. Three times the teabag broke when hot water was poured on it. I will probably never buy your tea again, but thought you should know.  

Perhaps I was a little bit caffeine deprived, which really is unpleasant for me, and everyone around me. But still, I felt I was helping them. I’m like a tea philanthropist. I do it for the greater good. And, apparently, for the $15 Starbucks gift card I was offered for my awful a.m. experiences. I thought, your gift card won’t appease my annoyance, I don’t need your damn gift card…. And then I sent them my address because I’m not stupid and good coffee ain’t cheap. Yes, I’m back on coffee. I was feeling pretty satisfied about this situation, but then I received a reply email from Sazo, letting me know I would soon receive my gift card:

Thank you for taking the time to write. Your search for enlightenment into the world of Sazo is to be admired. With this first step on the path, may you find answers you seek.

And then I thought, Say what? Are they making fun of me? What the hell? I just wanted some tea. I find “enlightenment” through wine, books, and Rocky Road, like every other normal person. So now, I must boycott the Sazo. I’m okay with caramel machiattos, which is convoluted logic, but when a person quits coffee, the brain and the morals go a bit squishy. So here I sit, waiting for my gift card. And thinking, “get over yourself, Sazo.” Or perhaps I need to get over myself. No, that’s not it, it’s them, not me. I am perfect. I have all the answers I seek. Enlightened, over and out.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. angi permalink
    04/24/2014 11:56 pm

    Wow! Damn them! Good thing I don’t even drink tea or they would have to hear it from me too!

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