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I’m not 100% sure what compelled me to go to church on Christmas Eve, after a 30 year hiatus (not counting midnight mass at the Acoma Pueblo New Mexico in 1993). I am 0% sure as to why I might have carefully placed a tiny Buddha in my purse before I left the house. The church website says they welcome you if you are single, married, gay, a tree hugger, a latte sipper, a vegetarian or one of those who don’t like “organized religion.” But do they welcome tiny Buddha smugglers?

I bought the Buddha at World Market today. I feel like it might help me be kinder at work. It might sit on my desk as a reminder to smile and be thankful, and to listen to the one who has a million stories with patience. It will remind me how happy I am to be where I am, when I am feeling frustrated with all I still don’t know. It will tell me, do the best you can until tomorrow, then do the best you can again. So that Buddha was meant for my desk at work. But today, he went to church.

During the service I found myself thinking thoughts like, “I am responsible for my own peace, not Jesus,” “Oh Hell no I’m not gonna raise my hand to say I accept Jesus when I’m not sure what that even means,” “Oh Hell, I just thought Hell in church.” “This is pretty cool, maybe I’ll come back,” “Wait, God and Jesus are the same guy?” (I’m such a heathen), and “I wonder if Super Burrito is open late on Christmas Eve.”  At one point during the service I was driven by an intense need to take the tiny Buddha out and palm it really tight. I think I needed to combine all of my beliefs into one. Like yes, I do believe in God and I enjoy the idea of having a church community in my life, but I also believe in Karma and Pema Chödrön and Wayne Dyer and Byron Katie and Shambala Sun magazine and wine night with friends (minus Fireball whiskey shots I have learned). So somehow, sitting in church while holding the Buddha made perfect sense to me. But I lost my nerve. Plus, I was afraid I’d drop it and someone would be nice (of course they would, it’s church) and pick it up for me. So the Buddha stayed snug in my purse. But I think I might just carry him around for awhile. For no reason I can describe at the moment.

As far as church goes, I guess I’d just like to take it all in and use whatever I need at any given moment. Right now, I feel very at peace. So I don’t need peace talks. What I needed tonight I got after everyone else went home.  Hugs, an after church chat, and a feeling once again that I can survive anything in my life because I have amazing friends. So church was a success.

Merry Christmas.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.” 

― Mary Anne Radmacher

6 Comments leave one →
  1. 12/25/2012 5:49 am

    The Buddha is a cool dude.

  2. Vicki permalink
    12/25/2012 6:42 am

    You are my soul sister. This resonates with me on so many levels. When we meet I will bring my tiny Buddha that sits on my bedside table. Peace and Merry Christmas

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