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Goodbye Four Walls


Somehow a house becomes a life. Even in this crappy housing market. You paid too much for it and shit if the heater, dishwasher and oven broke within the same month. Nothing you plant grows (could be your fault). The sprinkler system is a mystery, and patches of lawn die for no reason at all. Oh, let’s don’t even talk about the value of it, the money you’ve put in it to never get back, down, down, down goes the money and the faith in the American Dream. You remind yourself that it’s just walls, wood, carpet, laminate, paint. But then you remember Christmases, baking parties, Sunday football and Mother’s Day brunches, and how your small boy used to run under that counter and now is one head above it, three years of growth. Oh no, four. Four years. It’s just a house. But somehow, it’s a life, a friend. Hard to say goodbye.

Life is change and change is good. Don’t I always say it to my own child? Without change, where would we be, I ask him. Emotions, don’t make a liar out of me now. Change is good.

I wish my optimistic self would kick my scared pessimistic self’s ass. But Wayne Dyer does not live in my head. There is no peace and love Buddhist monk in there now, no Pema, no Thich, not even Martha Beck or Julia Cameron. Harriet Lerner says, “You can count on only two things that will never change – the will to change and the fear of change.” Boo.

On we go. Maybe a new house will mean new opportunity for growth, in the garden and everywhere else. Plus, the world is in a terrible state. So what if I am saying goodbye. Some people are saying the worst kind of goodbye. But still, I’ll miss you house, the life that you contained, and the future I took for granted in you, house.

New house, I will make biscotti, bake bread, measure growth, and kill plants with you too. But you will always be in the shadow of this house I know. I hope I can help you measure up.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Sheri May permalink
    03/21/2011 3:31 pm

    Snif. Snif. I love you

  2. 03/26/2011 3:40 pm

    We are with you SISTA!!!!…..
    We have an offer on our short sale, and should be down to 30-45 days. Where will we go? What will we do? We thought this would be our forever home. It is not.
    It sucks big time, but we have been through many, many changes and houses before. We will survive. Our kids will survive.
    I have been waiting to blog about this until I could get some clarity. It isn’t here yet.

    I am sick to my stomach thinking all my investment is gone, gone, gone. The person buying our home is coming in with 3% down, barely 5K, and taking this one away. I do take pride in thinking she will be getting a fantastic home.

    We will too, and you will you guys.

    I awoke this morning thinking GARAGE SALE, time to lighten up. It is actually very exciting.

    Hang in there, love to you all.

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