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Cool Kids, How Long Does it Take to Get Those Pants On?


I did a post recently about fitting in as the non trad at school. I don’t think my parsimoniousness is helping me with that. And not to mention nobody says parsimoniousness. I have not yet brought a thermos of coffee to class. I have not yet begun a sentence with the words “In my day we never…” There is a student in my classes who does this (yes, both classes). She is sweet but she is slowly driving me nuts. She is the reason no one goes home early. I blame her completely. Anyway, once again I find myself writing about clothes. It’s weird, because I care very little about them. The Bootie Boy says he wants to be a fashion designer, and I think My God, I am going to embarrass the hell out of him at his shows. Maybe he’ll hook me up with a nice outfit, one that looks good on a 5″1′ tall old lady. Oh crap, I’ll be shorter by then. I’ll potentially qualify as a “little person” and might get my own show on TLC. Maybe the boy will get me some super tall shoes.

So I’m on campus, thinking only about caffeine and class, wondering if the store sells double shots and if I have time to grab one, when I am bombarded with these people whose pants are so tight they can hardly walk. I give them that excuse for why they can’t seem to get the hell out of my way. They can’t…make…legs…move.

I don’t think it is fair to them, but these new college students seem to be under a lot fashion pressure. When I was a college freshman (translation, Back in My Day…but I don’t say that IN CLASS), the goal was to cultivate the “don’t care” look. Showing up to class barefoot was good, the more trashed and old your t-shirt was the better, and if you could get by with wearing the same pair of jeans or cut offs every day you were an environmentalist. That was cool. You were rejecting the materialism of your parents, and you were operating on some higher level of consciousness. So the “don’t care” look was easy for me, since I was working in a restaurant and earning $5.25 per hour plus about $8 in tip jar money per night. I shopped at Buffalo Exchange or took in all the clothes my friends didn’t want. These kids now, they have to work at looking good for college. They have to wear their jeans so tight their phone won’t even fit in a pocket. And all of them have the same jeans, those kind with the white stitching, super tight and super low cut. I give myself away as a non trad because the bottom half of my jeans don’t squeeze my calves like a tourniquet.

Once the kids get the tight pants on, they have to wear Ugh boots or ugly high tops, and then a print zip-up hoodie with a fur-lined collar. This is the uniform. I go to class in my comfortable jeans, the ones with holes in the knees, and my not zip-up, solid blue hoodie that I got at my friend’s daughter’s softball team rummage sale. The sale was all the clothes you could fit in a grocery bag for $5. I was pretty excited about that. These freshman would probably be mortified to be at that sale. I know it’s part of the natural order of things for me to look at a 19-year old and think Why would you wear that?, but I don’t know if it’s normal for me to feel sorry for them. I mean, those jeans, they just look, ouch. At any rate, I am not the cool kid on campus, which is fine, but the people -watching is fun over there at UNR. They are probably watching me, thinking, Shit, even my mom dresses better than that…. They probably feel sorry for ME, in my baggy-calf having jeans.

So I read a lot of inspirational blogs, and often the writer asks me, the reader, What Kind of Person Do You Want to Be? I have decided I want to be the kind of person who orders Wolferman’s muffins for herself. Maybe even in pretty gift baskets. Maybe with a card that say “To Tammy, you rock. Love Tammy”. Ok, maybe not love. Maybe just “Your friend, Tammy.”

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Nataie permalink
    02/04/2011 4:13 pm

    I am seriously not the cool kid. I have always looked at the fashionista’s with a mixture of awwwww and disgust. Somedays I think man I wish I could look that polished. Other days I could really give a hoot and can not imagine that those painful looking pants feel comfortable. Honestly I think that when they have to put that much time and effort into how they look everyday, there must be something missing in their lives because I do not have that kind of time. I mean I try and buy cute clothes and I wash my body and hair daily, sometimes even multiple times a day ( does that give me any cool points? Probally just not stinky ones huh?. However I am unwilling to be totally uncomfortable all day in the name of fashion. Usually when I am actually trying to buy clothes the clothes in the stores totally turn me off because I sit and think well I would look totally ridiculous in that. I dunno, maybe I am old before my time.

  2. 02/04/2011 9:54 pm

    Me, I wear yoga clothes, and as many handknit items as I can. Going to be the crazy old lady wearing what is functional, comfortable, and in colors that make my heart sing.

    Seems to me that I saw a lot of those super-skinny jeans in San Francisco, and they made me feel just a bit envious that I’ve never had legs that would rock that look, but then I remembered how comfy I am in my clothes/skin!

  3. 02/05/2011 4:31 pm

    Coochie crunchers, that’s what I call ’em…..
    I know I am a bad gurl. You can sensor me if you want…. 😉

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